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Yeah I am lucky enough that my car is not going to be totaled. It will take 5-7 days to repair, once they finally have the parts. So hopefully I will get it back by the end of next week. 

When it rains it pours, literally and figuratively

Literally: we have been getting heavy rain the last few days and it is taking its toll. we had water back up in the gutters and actually go under the eaves into the outside wall of the back room and then it leaked into the room.

Figuratively: today on the way to the vet we had a car accident that probably has totaled my car. as we were starting to use the bridge to go over the highway someone else decided to go ahead and start making a left hand turn directly in our path, headed for the highway on-ramp. I slammed on my brakes but it was pretty much a lost cause, we were already that close. We had our seat belts on so we were not seriously injured or anything, we are bruised from them and my right hand is sore from how it jammed into the steering wheel. Both vehicles were no longer drivable so they towed them away.

I can not afford to replace my car so I can only pray that the other persons insurance will cover fixing it, if they total it I am sunk. even if they actually paid off my loan, which I know they wont because the balance on my loan is more than my car is worth, I still can not get a loan for a replacement car because I am still not working. 

My mom called me today and asked me what I want for my birthday. I had no answer. I have been

unemployed since Christmas. Because of my unemployment I have had to reevaluate my expenses

and the value I place on things. There are plenty of things that I would find very useful to get for my

birthday, but asking for things of 'need' rather than 'want' seems so lame, and asking for things that I

'want' when I am unemployed feels so greedy. It does not help matters none that as I get older there

really is not a whole lot that I want to get that is reasonable to put on a gift list. The things I want

now are things that I have to save for. All of this reflective thinking has made me feel pretty glum

right now. 

I have been looking up wigs, for my friend who is losing her hair because of chemo. It has only been a couple days since her second treatment, and she woke up to her hair falling out in clumps. With all the hours she is missing from work because of all the doctor appointments, the surgeries and now the chemo, she really can not afford any expensive wigs. I wish I was working then maybe I could afford to help her buy a really nice one. I went on the American Cancer Society's website and did some looking. They have some wigs that are reasonable. I am going to show them to her tomorrow and see if she wants to try to get anything from there.

I knew my friend was going to loose her hair because of the chemo but I did not realize it was going to be so soon. I worry that she is going to get severely depressed. She seemed okay, when she came over for me to trim her hair into a tidier bob, but she could be putting on a brave face.

update: just had brunch with my friend and she is in much better spirits than I thought she would be, since her hair fell out. I think it helps that she is one of those ladies that was already losing her hair due to age, so she is taking it in stride. She also told me that she is not really sure she even wants to go the wig route. I guess the other thing that helps is the fact that since her cancer was caught so early she will not have to be on chemo for very long and then her hair should grow back after that. My friend is getting a lot of support from some of her co-workers too. One lady in particular is being very helpful because she learned a lot when her mother had cancer.

Hi everyone, is anyone else having problems opening Vox in FireFox? I can open Vox in both FireFox and IE but the last day or so when I open it up in FF I am having problems with teh pictures and the back grounds. The text all seems to be fine but the graphics seem to be a problem.

I just read all 4 books of the 'Twilight' stories, almost one a day (mind you I am still unemployed and have allll day to read). They were very entertaining. There were sometimes that the story seemed to drag out in a direction that was disappointing, and yet it ended up winding around to have importance. There were also a few editing errors that made it stumble, but not so bad that you did not know what was actually intended. After I finished the books I noticed that I felt like I was watching friends leave.

That is what this is really about. One of the things I enjoy the most about reading is when I get so absorbed in the story(ies) that when I am finished I feel like when good friends are moving away. I am happy they are happy, I am going to miss them, and I wonder what their future will bring. I sometimes even feel a little lost, like as if I was in a different place and the end of the book drops me back in my own world. That is when I like a book, it does not have to be a great literary work, but it has to keep my attention so much that I get lost in it. That is what I like the most about books, the ability to experience other places, even if they are fictional.

I remember that on 9/11/2001 I was at home from work on a sick day. My roommate called home to tell me to turn on the news, that something awful was going on. I spent then next several hours listening as each new broadcast brought more and more sickening, terrifying news. The images were being played over and over until they were still visible even with eyes closed.I was confused by the unbelievability of it all. I cried for all the people that were being killed. I prayed for all the ones that were not yet known about. I was sickened and saddened by the realization that fellow human being were responsible for such devastating events. I eventually had to turn all the tvs and radios off because I could not take it anymore. I could not even imagine how it was for the people actually involved or with relatives or friends involved, trying to imagine just made me sadder and sadder.

That day will be forever remembered with sadness as well as pride, sadness at the tragic events and pride of the strength and support shared by all those that lived to see the 12th.

One of my best friends was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. It is amazing how fast things went from 'no symptoms' to surgery, scheduling radiation, and discussing chemotherapy.

About two months ago my bff went and had a mammogram as part of routine age related preventative health care. There was a problem with the image so she had to go back and have the test done again. When the results finally came back they had found 2 small lumps that had been undetected during breast exams. They took a biopsy of the lumps and found out they were cancerous. Surgery was scheduled and the lumps removed as well as a few lymph glands. Testing was done on the lymph glands and the next week she found out that cancer was found in at least 2 of them. Surgery was scheduled to remove a few more lymph glands for testing. She got the results from the tests and the second set of glands did not have any cancer in them so that is a good sign. This also helps them decide what course of actions to take in her future treatment. She has appointments with the radiologist and the oncologist to discuss her radiation treatment and other treatments.

It is amazing how quickly things change. My friend went from not having a clue there was any problems, to being scared out of her mind because they found cancer. She is reassured some by the knowledge that the cancer is in the early stages, it is stage 2A. There was some increased fear when they found that the cancer was also in some of the lymph glands, but finding out that it was only in a couple of them has eased some of that fear. Now she is planning for her radiation treatment and chemotherapy. She may even be getting hormone therapy, because some of the test result were about whether or not the cancer was affected by estrogen or progesterone. The tests results came back that the cancer is only affected by estrogen, but not by progesterone, so it is possible they may want to do the hormone therapy too.

Went to the Allergist on the Friday after my recent IA attack, to discuss it. It was an okay visit, but I was not totally happy with the visit. The doc still seems to believe that it is IA. He was not happy that I had not recorded everything that I had to eat or drink the 2 hours prior to the attack. I did not have it written down but I knew what I had eaten. It helps that it was at 3 am so I had not eaten much right before the attack, but because I had been up late I had eaten a sandwich before getting ready for bed. It was nothing special and nothing unusual.

I was a little disappointed by the visit. I know I did not make the doc happy about not recording my food so I am sure it did not help how he felt dealing with me. I do not think that it was right of him to scoff at my checking my blood pressure periodically or at my being involved in an IA support group.

When I mentioned that I had taken my blood pressure before the attack and again several hours after the attack he asked me ‘how much of your life do you spend checking your blood pressure?’. He did say ‘just kidding’ after I mentioned that it was not everyday and that I did it because of my weight and fact that I have sometimes run borderline high, but I did not feel like he really was serious about saying that he was kidding.

When I mentioned that was a member of a support group, he said ‘uh-oh’ like as if that was a bad thing. I do not get that, I know that sometimes people can be over zealous when it comes to looking up health things on the internet, and that those people often join multiple different support groups, but I am not one of those. Heck I had not been to see him since my visit in the fall of ’07, and since that visit I have gone off many of the other medication I used to be on for depression and anxiety (this is a good thing) so I am not seeking lots of meds. I tried to tell him that the group leader (Candace) was/is very educated about the disease/illness and often shares new medical journal articles about IA, but he really did not seem all that interested. I would have thought he would like to know that there is a support group out there for IA sufferers.

In the time between my call and my visit, he did have the office call in a refill prescription for my EpiPen, so I now have 2 new EpiPens. He did not give me any refills on it and he said that he would like know when I use have to use the pens in the future. So I guess if I have to use another one I will have to make sure to call him the next day and let his office know about it. He also suggested that I switch my allergy medicine from Allegra to Zyrtech. He had suggested this back in ’07, but that was when they were just starting to sell it as an OTC medicine and it was cheaper for me to stick with the Allegra. I am trying it now because I was able to get a generic OTC version in a bulk package for a very reasonable price.

There was one other things that he wants to do a test for, because I mentioned getting very flush at the beginning of the attack. He said that there is something called carcinoid syndrome that causes flushing that is not hives. He mentioned that the carcinoid syndrome is pretty rare and that he just want to rule it out. The test requires me to get a collection pail from the lab and collect my urine for 24 hours. I have not done it yet, I am not really enthusiastic about it.

I had another IA attack last night(early this morning) after we got home from the county fair.

When I first got home from the fair I felt fine, my roommate and I even discussed what movie we might go see Sunday. I took a few minutes to put the glass pendants I bought at the fair, on their ribbon necklaces they came with. I even change the silver jump ring on one of them for some copper wiring to make it more harmonious with the ribbon, but after getting changed for bed I started feeling like I was getting sick. I did not suspect an IA attack at first (see previous post for more about IA). I thought maybe I was coming down with some kind of bug. I felt flush and a bit unsettled in my stomach so I took my temperature, but it was actually low, around 96. I took it twice because it was so low, my normal is lower that many people, 97.2-6, but not as low as 96. I just sat there for a minute feeling sickly and confused until the heat radiating off of my skin started to itch, that is when I knew an IA attack was starting. I so hate when they happen.

I immediately began preparing for the attack. I took 2 benadryl right away, grabbed some cool water to sip, an icepack (for holding against the hives when I found it too difficult to resist scratching). a bucket for getting sick in (just in case). I hollered into my roommates room and woke her to let I know I was starting to have an attack and that she needed to be awake in case I need help. I took all my supplies into the bathroom, but I realized I did not have my epipen with me so I went back to my room and started searching for it (unfortunately my attacks happen far enough apart that I get lazy about keeping my EpiPen handy. I could feel my symptoms rapidly increasing while I looked for my Epi and I was beginning to get worried. Just when I thought I was not going to find it, I found it (isn't that always how it is -give up looking for something and bingo there it is).

I am glad that I found my EpiPen, I ended up needing it. There was a point where I was getting disorientated and almost passed out, my roommate was trying to get my attention, she kept saying 'don't fall asleep in there' (embarrassing as it was, I was seated on the toilet because of other symptoms). When I realized that I was having trouble understanding her I knew that I needed to use my EpiPen even though my throat was not closing up. I was getting too confused to know what was really happening to me and that is a bad point to be at during an anaphylaxic attack. I even had trouble getting the Epi out of its case I was all fumble fingers. The Epi helped cut the gastro/intestinal symptoms and the confusion. I am not sure it if was all the benadryl or the Epi or both but the hives started going down too. I started getting the chills and spasms which for me is a sign that the worst of the attack is ending.

I have noticed recently that my attacks linger more than they did before. It used to be that after the wam-bam kick me in the gut attack ended I would get the chills, go to bed, and just feel exhausted the next day. the last few attacks I have noticed that my skin is more sensitive and it takes much longer for the hives to go completely away. I have spent most of today in a benadryl stupor because I have had to take additional doses through out the day to combat the lingering hives and rashes.